Rewind, Reflect, and Move Ahead

Before I realized it, this year came and went.  Now I feel compelled to rewind the tape and play back some of what I've experienced. 

It's hard to recall, especially because I get stuck in the here-and-now.  I will dig into the dusty jacketed remains of my unsystematic archives.  Let's see...

{As an aside, I won't be giving a detailed play-by-play of everything that happened to me this year.
Don't worry!}

The three biggest highlights that stick out in my mind:
~Winter Retreat with my college group FUSION
~ Finding the right major, Speech Pathology and attending Sac State this fall
~Turning 21 on Halloween!  (The initial excitement has worn off, but this was a momentous occasion regardless)

I didn't travel much this year, but the little trips I took were great. I went and experienced the redwoods and Pacific Ocean multiple times because it is my favorite weekend getaway.  Kayaked through some sea caves while on my family's annual camping trip (Photo on right taken by Rebekah Long).  Hiked a bit here and there.  Made it to Santa Cruz a couple of times.  It's always fun people-watching there!

 I can't measure my experiences by what I actually did.  I wouldn't trade life's enjoyable times for the world, but what I gathered from them seems to be the most rewarding part.                                              

Spiritually speaking, I have had mountain-top highs, everyday valleys, and drought-like doubts.  After Winter Retreat with my college group, I was in the Word on a daily basis and communicating with my Father as much as I could.  It was more than just that.  I felt close enough to Him that I was confident in doing His biding.  I found something that worked well for my devotional life.  I would sit in my Ford Exploder during school/work breaks and read my Bible.

Summer hit and nothing seemed to change at first.  Free from the reins of school, I slipped into a spiritual slump for a month or so.  Eventually, I realized I was in the wrong, and soon came back to the open arms of my Heavenly Dad.

Fall '11 will stay ingrained in my mind for what is was eternally worth- absolutely nothing!  Like any drought, the negative side-effects are difficult to pinpoint and are as slow-moving as a sloth.  It is not until you are in recovery mode seeing some end in sight that you recognize what you are being saved from.  "Real college" has its perks, and it wouldn't take me long at all to articulate why I love being there.  That's not what this blog entry is for.

The ugly truth is that school, although a noble pursuit, became my idol this semester.  I buried my faith and, the meantime, put my sense of contentment in grave danger.  Immersed in my coursework, the stress got to me and I came up empty.  I tried to fill God's place in my heart with studying harder.  Leave it up to me, as a messy, imperfect person, to spend my time on something lacking eternal value, and I shoved what's most important (my spiritual life) to the wayside.

Thankfully, my God is always forgiving and will never leave or forsake me, a prideful sinner.  I am willingly running away from my past regret and sprinting towards the promise of tomorrow.  I've been told this spiritually-dry pandemic often afflicts those that claim to be followers of Christ.  In this journey, enlightening beginnings of new-found faith are soon replaced by a necessary struggle for living out faith in all aspects of life.

Where am I at, today, right now, as I am sitting and reflecting at a coffeeshop?  That seems to be the question of the hour.   Like any other believer, I have to make a daily choice to follow Him.  My heart is softened like a freshly baked batch of snickerdoodles and I am hungering again after my God.  I could always use prayer.  And I want to be there for people that need it in return. I am finally back to where I should have been all along.