Preoccupied Free-Time?!

For the first time since summer of 08', NO SUMMER SCHOOL!!! It's funny how while school is in session, I can't wait to be freed from studying and textbooks. Now that summer is finally here, I am having a difficult time adjusting to not having a schedule set in stone. Yes, I still have work and church to keep me busy, but I still feel like I need something to occupy my time. As I have been thinking this through a bit, I realize something-maybe not life-changing or earth-shattering—is wrong with my mentality. 


As an American, I have been programmed to desire productivity and busyness. We complain so much about not having enough time in the day, but once schedules are removed, we don't know what to do with ourselves. On one hand, I can't let myself spend the next three months sitting around twiddling my thumbs together and watching movies. On the flip side, I need to remember to breathe in what God is teaching me and not allow His guiding presence to pass me by. I know there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes). So my dilemma is neither unique or all that important. 


Still, I will work myself through it. Wait a minute, I need to rewind my cassette tape once again. The phrase, "I will work..." is first, completely centered on myself, and about what I can do to fix this. I am leaving Christ out of the picture when I have this sort of mindset. It is a constant battle to remove my selfishness out of the equation and to allow Him to work in and through me (a prayer I am hearing more and more that I have yet to take hold of).

Before I babble on some more, I suppose I should get back to the topic at hand. While re-framing my perspective on things, I do have a few things I plan on being a part of this summer. FUSION for one. I want to take some day trips, either flying solo or with a small group of people. I have a summer reading list in the works. Volunteer work possibly. And most importantly, I pray that I will devote my heart and passion to the Lord so HE can use me for His glory and not my own.

I have an inkling that I will be pleasantly surprised by what is going to take place during my time free from school. I look forward to it, in fact, since this is the very beginning of the next three months of life here on Earth. Blogging apparently is a free therapy session in which I can process through what I am struggling with. Hurray for that!

Time to Share

I haven't visited my blog in the last couple months.  Here I am, at long last. :)

I just got back from a missions trip to Mexicali last week, Easter weekend.  It has taken me about a week to process at least some of what God has taught me through this experience.

A short list for your reading pleasure:

-In some capacity, God has shown me that He is preparing me to speak in front of people.  This scares me and excites me at the same time.  I am not sure if this has to do with my career or something entirely different.  He has given me just a small sampling of what He has planned for me. 

-I foolishly thought I could give God this one week and then my heart for missions would be fulfilled.  WRONG!  It is almost laughable to look back on that mindset I had before serving down in Mexicali.  Quite the opposite happened...  Now more than ever, God has a mission field in store for me.  The only things I feel confident of:  a heart for the Romanian people, serving orphans and widows, and that's all.  I am not certain if this is for short-term or long-term but obviously He does.  I will continue to be patient and wait on God's timing.

-What joy comes out of giving my all for the glory of God.  During our VBS time.. I often lacked the energy/excitement on the bus rides over to our church.  Simply seeing the smiling, excited faces of the ninos put my heart in the right place.  Presenting our Bible lessons about Jesus as the vine and we as the branches made sense even more from a child-like faith/perspective. 

-Sometimes, I over-analyze the gospel message.  I think too hard on perfecting my testimony or personal statement of faith.  When people ask me about my faith, I am thwarted by my own fears instead of letting the Holy Spirit guide my conversations with people.  Down in Mexicali, I had the chance to give my testimony in front of our team and the church, Xochimilcho.  I had not prepared to give it, but as usual, God's plans prevailed over those of my own.  I had the bus ride over there to jot down some thoughts in preparation.  I cannot even recall much of what I said.  I gave it right after someone else's testimony which was filled to the brim with a past history of heartache, pain, and suffering.  In my head, I was feeling like my story was inadequate in comparison.  God gave me the quiet assurance that is not about what I have done but about what He has done for me in my life.  The pressure to impress was thus removed from the equation.  In hindsight, I realize that I have to be ready, willing, and vunerable enough to be used by God despite my own shortcomings. 

-In times of conflict and frustration:  Giving my troubles to God rather than holding things inside that are bothering me.  It is always better to get it out and voice what is internally bubbling up inside me.  Otherwise, anger has the growing room for turning into bitterness.  There is no place for that in a community of believers. 

-My natural inclination for working/playing with kids.  I had previously avoided them like the black plague for reasons I am not exactly sure of.  Their excitement to see our group filled in the gaps of my tired, weary state. 

-Enjoying the company of other people without needing to over-spiritualize everyday interactions.  I talked this out with my friend Shelli on the ride back up to Sacramento.  Instead of constantly seeking to get my two cents in about spiritual matters, God has shown me to relax and listen.  And have fun with sillyness associated with week-long trips.  I almost have to take a chill-pill sometimes and remember that I am not locked up in a nunnery somewhere where persistent solemnness is my only form of recreation.  Perhaps I just stereotyped the poor nuns, but I think you get my point here.  In other words, God created laughter as well as serious conversations.  You can't have one without the other.  If I can apply my dorky sense of humor to environments centered around Christ, then I will far better be representing Him.  I feel He did not design me to be serious all the time.  Yes, some level of spiritual maturity is necessary in my daily pursuit of Christ, but I will now enjoy the time I have here on earth to associate with others without over-complicating things. 

There you have it.