A Ode to The Past & A Toast To The Near Future

The itch to write has reached my fingertips once more.  I am sitting in the dark considering how much this year has been a learning process for yours truly.  

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve in case you have lost track of the days.  As tradition stands, it is time for me to reflect, reminiscence, and review on how I have lived for the past three hundred and sixty-three days.  

Don't fret.  I am not about to list my journal here or take the time to reveal all the minute details of my existence onto this blog.  That would be an outrageous and unnecessary gesture on my part.


For the sake of brevity alone, I will list out some things that I have learned in 2010.  Scary that time flies as much as it has already in my short twenty years.  

-I will not change or fight who God has made me to be.  

-I won't rush the time He has given me.  I am here for a reason.  Even if I still am on the path to discovering what that reason is.

-Listening to others is more beneficial than relying on my own stubborn tendencies.



-There is nothing wrong with pursuing what I love.  Such as reading, writing, and school-related stuff.  


-I love making others laugh.  In no way can I claim to be a comedian.  When I am myself, my humorous side comes out without being forced or constrained.


-Spending time alone is never harmful unless I am willingly shutting people out or trying to save myself from heartache and hurt.


I look forward to this new year with hopeful expectancy of what is to come.  Looking forward rather than backwards is my game plan.  

I especially cannot wait for Sac State.  I am sure once I start attending there, it won't seem as riveting.  Hopefully, it will be worth the time and dedication of this last year at ARC.  In today's economy and job market, I know a B.A. is almost a necessity.  

Even further, I want to learn for learning's sake.  Yes, the diploma and college degree are the cherry on top but it is more than that to me.  I enjoy the process of studying and the pressures of last minute projects (even though I find myself complaining and prolonging the agony in the process).


My heart is glad knowing that there is so much more of life to be lived and experienced.  Rather, the end of this year is just the beginning thanks to the promising blessing of another day and another year. 


As I write this post, I am listening to Michael Buble and I am grateful for where I am currently at in terms of my geographic location and living situation.  

The humor of it all is that at the start of 2010, I was discontent more than anything else.  I wanted to move out of this city and I desired nothing more than to be out living on my own two feet.  It is a humbling experience knowing that I am of the proper age to move out, and yet my financial circumstances and educational goals prevent me from doing so.  


With much soul searching and struggling conversations with God, I am at a point in life where I am not impatiently waiting to get onto the next stage of my existence.  It has given me the chance to re-establish closeness within my family, and I have had more time to save for Sac State and moving out.  In sum, I am content/confident in the hope I find only in my Lord and Savior.  


Since I have already enumerated some nuggets of truth I have previously uncovered, it is now time for me to describe what I would love to get out of 2011.  [By the way, eleven is my all-time number and I will turn twenty-one by the end of it.  Call me silly or frivolous but my conventions lie where they be and I would not have it any other way].


-Taking more risks.  I used to believe that I am full of spontaneity.  More often then not, I am cautious and afraid of change.  Some might see me as somebody who acts without thinking but that is more the exception than the rule.  

When my Lord is prompting me in a specific direction, who am I to question HIM?  I am the one who time and time again crawls back to Him asking for forgiveness and another chance.  


-Being outside more than inside during most days.  Even in the pouring rain, I consider myself being "out" when I am sitting in a coffee shop.  Time relaxing at home is an necessity for my sanity and peace of mind but I would like to see more of the world than my messy bedroom.  

It's not as if I don't go and do stuff.  It's more that I could be doing so much more with the time I have on this earth.  I do not want to limit or stifle the friendships and relationships I have already built upon thus far. 


-The day I actually begin studying in the classroom regarding Speech Pathology.  Trust me, I cannot wait.


-Hopefully meeting new friends and further developing the ones that I have already made. 


-Falling more in love with my Creator.


-reading more of the classics I haven't picked up yet.


Clearly, a new year has more benefits than drawbacks.  I can be stuck in my ways but I cannot help but smile when I think of 2011.  

 
Here's a toast a day in advance for what is to come. 

Pictures Beyond Words

When my eyes spotted the prayer concerning serenity, I knew instantly that I wanted to make this my anthem throughout the upcoming weeks.  

     I feel closest to God in the midst of His creation.  The more I experience of His Nature and what people consider to be 'nature', such as the mountains and the ocean, the more hungry I become to explore what He has in store for me.  

     One day at work, I created a fake name of Serenity on my nametag simply for laughs.  Before I knew it, customers right and left were asking me if I was truly as calm as my 'name' would suggest.  I smiled to myself off-and-on thinking what fun it is to see people's reactions to the names I create for myself.  I did not necessarily feel more peaceful just because my name was more unique.  People that know me best would not typically characterize me as being a cool cucumber or a tranquil swan.  I have gone on a tangent about this work experience but it still makes me wonder how I might feel more at peace with myself, especially in regards to my faith.  I must say that I am on the journey to discovering who I am and what I believe.  

     I know everybody states that their family is the most important thing in their life.  I have said this in the past without completely believing it.  Over the past few months, my sister and myself have been spending a greater amount of time in each other's company.  It's been a blast!  Somehow we manage to bicker while "getting along" simultaneously.  We are four-and-a-half years apart.  Not long ago, I felt like I was ions away from her in terms of our ages and life experiences.  I am tired of the stereotypical role I am supposed to play as the older sister.  Yes, I want to be a role model for her.  Yes, I am not always nice to her (I am human after all and not a morning person).  Yes, our personality differences sometimes get in the way of our relationship.  She is more outgoing and a people person while I am introspective and can be a loner.  God placed us in the same family for a reason.  I guess we balance each other out in terms of our dispositions and interests.  

     Where am I going with all of this?  In my opinion, serenity (or whatever synonym of this word you can come up with)  looks different for every individual.  I suppose a peaceful existence for me consists of having a regular time in the Word enhanced with some journaling of my own, some alone time to reflect and relax, and being able to explore in the great outdoors from time to time.  

     My challenge is to take hold of the promises God has already laid out for me in His Word.  To use a commonly misunderstood term in the Christian realm, I will meditate on the words of scripture rather than giving them a cursory glance and being done with it all.  Without looking for a formal definition of meditation, I believe it simply involves first memorizing a passage of scripture and then continuing to reflect back upon its applicability to my own walk with God.  I do not have a degree in theology nor have I been to seminary school.  However, God does not favor the theologians and scholars over those that are coming from more humble origins in terms of their familiarity with Biblical teachings.  I could go on for days with this blog entry...  

     It is probably best for me to wrap up what I have been stating thus far.  From what I can gather, I commonly begin my writings with a seemingly simplistic word or phrase and then proceed to built upon an abstract idea with more concrete concepts.  I am not sure if I have made enough connection between paragraphs but this is not a argumentative essay or a college thesis.  It is simply some more rambling on my behalf for the sake of my readers, if there are any.  :)  Hope you enjoyed the pictures.  Apparently, they are worth more than any of the words I have just written. 

I am a book nerd and proud of it.

Oh, the joys of being on semester break!  It is such a great feeling knowing that I finished my studies out strong and my grades pulled through in the end.  Thanks to an ENGWR 302 and a Young Adult Literature class, I have rediscovered my passion for reading and writing.  During the month I have off, I hope to work during the day and alternate between spending my nights staying "in" and going "out" and doing stuff.  I am currently reading a book called A Novel Bookstore by Laurence Cosse.  It is not something I would typically read because it encompasses a lengthy, drawn out mystery, it is an ode to innovative literature, and it has a great amount of subplots of which to examine further.  I am going to include one of my favorite passages I have discovered along the journey of reading through this novel.  One of the characters, Francesca, discusses her opinions concerning novels:  

     "For as long as literature has 
     existed,suffering,joy,horror, grace,and 
     everything that is great in humankind has

     produced great novels.  These exceptional
     books are often not very well-written, and
     are in constant danger of being 
     forgotten... But those masterful books are
     life-giving.  They enchant us.  They help 
     us live. They teach us.  It has become 
     necessary to come to their defense and
     promote them relentlessly, because it is 
     an illusion to think that they have the
     power to radiate all by themselves.  That
     alone is our ambition... We want books 
     that cost their authors a great deal, 
     books where you can feel the years of 
     work, the backache, the writer's block, 
     the author's panic at the thought that he 
     might be lost:  his discouragement, his 

     courage, his anguish, his stubbornness, 
     the risk of failure that he has taken.  We
     want splendid books, books that

     immerse us in the splendor of reality and
     keep us there; books that prove to us that
     love is at work in the world next to 
     evil... Just the way that suffering will 
     always ravage hearts.  We want good 
     novels" (Cosse 278-279).  

 

Originally, this novel was written in French but it was obviously translated into English.  Trust me, I can count on one hand how many French phrases I actually know.  In A Novel Bookstore, two people start up a bookstore in Paris amongst hundreds, possibly even thousands,of other bookstores.  They are a unique store, in that, they only sell books that a committee categorizes as "good novels."  You would not find a current bestseller such as The Dragon Tattoo or the Twilight series within their bookshelves. Their clientele is primarily looking for more obscure classics that are of much higher significance than the crowd-pleasing award winners in constant circulation.  One of the implied themes in the novel is that there is a conflict between bestsellers and well-loved classics.  The author seems to be making a statement with the controversy in Paris of whether or not the bookstore was an elitist group of snobs or if it gave its supporters a home away from home in which to indulge their senses.  I could write much more about the plot and all but that is up to you to pick up this book for yourselves.  I am not sure how well-received this book has become. 

I am a hybrid between those that stick to the classics and those that are more interested in handpicking novels that are all the rage in literary circles.  A few books on my favorites list are: The Count of Monte Cristo (unabridged version... Yes, I'm a nerd"), Crime and Punishment, The Age of Innocence, Jane Eyre, etc.  I wouldn't say that these are exactly ancient in the sector of classical literature.  Based on what I have enjoyed in the past, I must say I probably slant towards nineteenth century novels, especially those set in England or France.  I hope to broaden my horizons when it comes to selecting books.  I don't want to limit my choices and miss out on other fascinating genres and subject matters.  I need to compile a list of books that I want to read in the month I have off from school.  I will probably have many more blogs that will discuss books I am reading through, so stay tuned!  For those that are not a fan of books, you are forewarned to steer clear from what I am writing about.  Merry Christmas, my readers...

In Christ Alone

Words.  Big words.  Little words. You name it.  Without God at the center, I can see myself pursuing a life of knowledge rather than a life lived for Christ.  I get prideful when I think I am more knowledgeable about a subject than someone else.  I have to continuously remind myself that simply knowing God's Word is NOT enough.  What truly matters is that I love God first, and then love those around me.  I think there is a verse somewhere in the New Testament that says Faith without works is dead.  This could be a outrageous amount of paraphrasing, but it makes sense.  If I merely read Scripture, say that was nice, and then fail to act upon what I have learned, I am doomed for religion rather than having a relationship with Him.  What I am discussing might be a common subject matter in the Church, but that does not mean that it isn't an important concept.  I've sure missed out on so much just by sitting on the sidelines and not getting my hands dirty in the work that God has placed before me.  I am a reflective person, and I tend to over analyze things.  Sometimes, my thoughts keep me from listening to His quiet prompting.  Again I should look this one up:  Your thoughts are my thoughts.  I should have my Bible on hand, but that requires me to get up.  Woe is me, that requires way too much effort on my part.  The book of Proverbs has lots to say about sluggards like myself :) I wouldn't say there is any real theme or purpose to what I'm writing, but, hey, this is my blog after all.  I can write whatever the heck I want.  I can't wait to write my mission statement this week, thanks to Pastor Ted's message this week.  This upcoming week should be an interesting mixture of responsibilities and free time.  I spent some time at a place called Coffee Garden today.  I loved it!  They have an outdoor sitting area with a garden backdrop.  Quite the study spot, if I do say so myself.  I am a creature of habit, like the next American, but I like to switch up from time to time.  I get tired of being in the same places all the time, and my sense of adventure kicks in.  I wouldn't say my type of adventure is similar to most people's.  I have no problem going places by myself.  Some of the most fun times are when I remove myself from others for part of a day and relax for a short time.  I can be a people person, but I am a homebody as well.  Before I ramble on much more, I should probably bring this to a close.  If I am getting tired of writing, then you must be tired of reading it.  Three words of parting:  In Christ Alone.  Love that song by the way!

Dogs & Puzzle Pieces

I am successfully avoiding one of my school papers as I type.  I have the urge to write some thoughts down, but I am tired of school.  What to write?  Today as I was driving home from school, I noticed this little dog running across Watt Ave.  Pedestrians nearby did nothing to help the poor creature.  Thankfully, cars slowed down for the most part.  The optimistic side of me hopes and prays he or she survived being run over by a car.  For some time, I have been asking God to help identify what causes or things pull at my heart strings.  In other words, what am I passionate about?  Supposedly, cats have nine lives, but do dogs have this same luxury?  Dogs themselves are not what I am passionate about.  What upsets me is when people seem too concerned about their own lives, and they look the other way when they see animals or others in distress.  I am the type of person that goes out of their way to help lost or hurt creatures.  Perhaps, God is showing me that I need to be more concerned with hurt and lost souls as well as animals.  This world is full of so much pain.  Am I too consumed with my own problems, and failing to put others' needs before my own?  Unfortunately, most of the time, I would have to answer yes to this question.  It is my goal that I will step outside of my own selfishness, and represent Christ by serving others, expecting nothing in return.  Developing relationships with people before telling them about my faith will allow me to create a common ground with them first.  I have plenty of things to chew over.  I haven't quite gotten the complete picture yet, but God is providing me with one puzzle piece at a time. 

A Heartfelt Discovery

Paper hearts:  the name of a wonderful book I am currently reading. 

 I was strolling through the bookshelves of my local library, waiting for a book title to catch my eye.   As I was about to turn the corner of one of the shelves, an image of a heart drew my attention like none of the other novels were able to.  Heck, I suppose I did judge this book by its cover.  The front cover contains snapshots of a young teenage girl and a person out in their garden.  I had no way of knowing how much richness and quality this book contains until I decided to take it home with me. 

In all fairness to you, my reader, I will provide you with a brief synopsis of this novel.  Without directly quoting the back cover of Paper Hearts, I will draw upon my memory bank on this one.  The main protagonist of the story goes by the name, Chancy Deel.  The author, Debrah Williamson, uses a clever play on words with her character.  She is a "chancy deal" in more ways then one.  Chancy is a fifteen-year-old and a runaway at that.  From an outsider's perspective, she comes across as a drowned rat, and, even further, trouble waiting to happen.  She hitchhiked a thousand miles from a group home in Pennsylvania all the way to a small town in Wenonah, Oklahoma. 

The leading lady of Paper Hearts had to steal food on her journey to Oklahoma as a means for survival. From newspaper scraps, she constructed paper hearts as she traveled farther and farther from home. Every morsel of food she pilfered was replaced with one of these tokens as if she was bartering a fair trade.

Thanks to a few strangers' kindness, she ended up staying in town.   She found shelter in an old man's garage and spent the night in his ancient Lincoln rust bucket of a car.  Max Boyle allows her to stay at his place for the summer in order to escape the clutches of those who want to hand him a one-way ticket to an early grave otherwise known as a nursing home.   

What could Chancy have been running from?  She fled not only her group home, but also from her birth mother who was heavily involved with drugs and seedy men.  Chancy had grown up in a physically and verbally abusive environment in which she was taught her life was not worth squat.  She discovered silence was her best defense again the cruel hand that life had dealt her.  Part of the struggle she had to overcome was one of her own making.  Her self-defense mechanism involved shutting others out, and relying only on herself.   

The majority of this book goes on to express the joy and love that can be found in the unlikeliest of circumstances.  Chancy fills a void in elderly Max's broken heart for he suffered the recent loss of the love of his life, Hanna.  Max gave Chancy a chance to learn how to love and let go of her painful past. 

Chancy and Max are in completely different points in their lives. Chancy is just beginning to blossom into a young woman while Max is living his life to the fullest with the remaining time he has left. By the end of this novel, she turns over a new leaf, and she understands that she has found people who love her fully and unconditionally.

As a changed girl, she used her artistic talent to brighten the hearts of some elderly folk in a local retirement community.  The simple things in life seem to foster the sincerest of smiles from a person.  You cannot fully grasp the mystery and magic of this story until you immerse your senses it this book first-hand. 

This is ironic that i am writing a book review because one of my favorite YouTube videos to poke fun at involves an overzealous spinster praising the greatness of another one of my favorites, the Blue Castle by Lucy Maud Montgomery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p73usrWTjHg

My tired eyes are giving out on me.  Tomorrow, or whenever I get the chance, I will tie in a scriptural reference, and articulate what I have learned from this book.

Personal Quirks

~I chew on straws, pencils, pens, my fingernails, you name it...
~I collect souvenir glass plates from wherever I travel
~I don't use conditioner
~I am extremely disorganized
~I shoot basketballs with my left hand although I am naturally right-handed
~I am a huge fan of black-and-white films
~I refuse to wear the color yellow
~I hate feet
~I look forward to cold, rainy weather.  This is, in part, why I would love to live in Oregon.
~Snakes and I don't see eye to eye
~I don't like massages
~I lose things really easily.  Especially my phone and my purse
~For taking notes at school, I use computer paper instead of lined paper
~I make long to-do lists and fail to complete half of what I wrote down :)
~I prefer hiking in the redwoods over walking along the beach
~I love wearing crazy, outlandish outfits for themed parties or events
~I am a cat person but not a "cat lady"
~I always seem to be running 5 minutes late
~I don't own a pair of flip flops or sunglasses (unless temporarily borrowed). 
~I collect keys of all shapes, colors, and sizes
~Bugs/Spiders don't frighten me
~Snickers are my favorite
~I don't eat hot dogs (long story...)
~I sometimes doodle abstract geometric objects in class
~One of the best smells in the world:  freshly mowed grass
~The only birds I have learned to like are ducks
~I want to backpack through parts of Europe someday

Have to Start Somewhere

This is my first attempted blog, so bear with me.  I think blogs were originally popularized because they allow people to write about what they generally know best, themselves.  By no means, do I think that I have the most interesting life out there.  It seems to be quite the opposite, all things considered.  I have a simple existence, and yet, I desire to be more than just another blip on this radar called Earth. 

Thus far, I do not have any witty quotations or brilliant pieces of inspiration for you.  Sorry to disappoint.  For all I know, this may or may not come to me more naturally with time.  I am a dreamer by day and owl by night.  I am almost entirely certain most of my posts will be composed during the wee hours of the morning.  This tends to be when my mind is most active. 

In future blogs, I hope to include funny stories/experiences, more serious brainstorms of my own, spiritual matters, and anything else that tickles my fancy.  I cannot guarantee much beyond the fact that I love to write, and write I must while I have the chance.  Cheers!